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October 5, 2015

Something I always wanted to do was record the audio of our party chat sessions.  How much more I wish we had done so now that one of our raggedy ass gang is gone.

I have been wanting to acknowledge our loss on the site somehow, but I don’t think I will ever figure out a good way to do that.  Still, we (or at least I) cannot just let Grymmie’s passing go without saying something here.

This morning, I discovered  a pattern in my thinking and activities.  I have been, and am, intentionally avoiding thinking about him, and purposefully keeping my day busy.  As I mentioned to most of you, for the entire first day upon hearing the news, I felt like I had been kicked in the chest by a horse.  I don’t feel that all the time now, but I do almost every time my thoughts go back to him, which is often.  I know that grief for all of us is right near the surface, even if it doesn’t manifest in words or tears.

I chose the video above from all of his collection because it has him speaking.  His music is great, but his voice is infinitely better.  If anyone comes across one with him laughing, please let me know and I will swap it in.  As I wrote to Grymm’s Mom (via Steph), Grymmie was the ice cream man in so many ways.  No one could use those spikey coned ‘nades like him.  He was also the one with the laugh that lit up the party.  When the game ripped him off, he could rage quit with the best of them.  But he wouldn’t rage at us, just at the game.  And when he was having fun, his laughter was the clearest, most genuine,  splashy waterfall of merriment I know.  More often than not, the joy of hearing him laugh brought out a spontaneous “I love you, Grymmie!”  I always meant it.   Missin’ you, buddy!

Our thoughts and love go out to his family and friends.

P.S.  I want people to feel free to write or not write anything here.  We all grieve in our own way and in our own time.  I was not ready to do this earlier this week, and I suspect some of you may not be ready to add comments now, or maybe even ever.  That is ok.

P.P.S.  For those that want to leave a message for Josh & his family, you can do so at this link:

  1. October 5, 2015 3:57 pm

    R. I. P bud

  2. Blankman permalink*
    October 5, 2015 7:05 pm

    I’ve, too, have had difficulty on what and how we could acknowledge Grymmie’s passing on our site. I guess the main reason why many of us were so apprehensive about putting up a post was due to the fact that it adds the sense of finality to it. Although Grymm is gone, writing and reading about our memories with him make it bittersweet. It leaves us longing to create more memories with him, and that’s the hardest part to deal with.

    He was more than just our gaming buddy. For many of us, he was our little brother who we watched grow from a middle schooler to an adult; dropping words of wisdom and encouragement along the nine plus years that we knew him. People that immediately dismiss friendships created over years and years of gaming together cannot comprehend the closeness, the brotherhood, and sense of community that is forged. Many times, sharing the joys and tribulations of life on a regular basis creates a bond that’s rare even with physical relationships. The gaming aspect from these friendships are just the cherry on top of the sundae. There more times than we can count where we wound up not playing anything because we spent the entire time catching up with the goings on in one another’s day/week. He was a big part of that camaraderie and sense of belonging.

    We all remember how much money he gave to MS by changing his name three different times in the span of three years. That’s Grymmie for ya. Boy, did we heckle him for that! Ha! Whenever you hopped onto XBL, he was there or wasn’t far from signing on. Whether you were in different time zones, it didn’t matter because he would often be gaming until the wee hours of the morning. His colorful language (like we’re ones to talk) coupled with his rage quitting made him even more hilarious. I can vividly remember when Zos, Stephy, rED, and me were watching his Twitch stream of him playing Outlast. We didn’t need to play the game because we had already experienced it with him. All the anxiety, fear, and Stephy & Grymm simultaneously screaming in terror made it an awesome experience. When he was close to ending the session, we’d urge him on because it was like watching a good horror flick with a group of pals. What I’m trying to say is that gaming and sharing life’s many moments were truly memorably, and they’ll be cherished as we all look back at them fondly.

    There’s undoubtedly a void left in our hearts from his departure, but our lives are ever more enriched by knowing him. Thank you so very much for being in our lives. We love and miss you, Grymmie.

  3. October 5, 2015 7:49 pm

    I had captured a session a few years back when Black Ops 2 was released. It was just classic banter.

    Red had a monster flu. Steph and Grymm was just classic banter and we were trying out zombies.

    Later that night we played Versus with a very spotty netcoding from Blops 2 pre-patch. Zos, Red and Grymm.

    I know from my experience that years of bonding through gaming helped me go through difficult times.

    Grymm’s inner battles outcome may have robbed us from more time, but I am very appreciative of the time he did spend.

    He was a key ingredient to the group fun. The other day it was just evident that remembering through humor and banter it just sealed his legacy and that void although will never be completely filled it can still be sustained with his memory. Jokes and inside jokes that will live on.

  4. October 6, 2015 12:00 am

    unedited version of the zombie game.

  5. October 9, 2015 10:55 am

    Not a day goes by that I dont think about Grymm and all the great times we all had together. Whether it was back in 2006 when our beloved Gears first released, or throughout every other game we’ve all played together. He truly was a friend to all of us in one way or another.

    I make sure to check his Obituary page every day, and it tears me apart inside reading everyone’s genuinely heartfelt comments. The simple “I love you” from his mom nearly had me in tears. I dont think i’ll be able to grasp the fact that he’s passed away and no longer with us.

    The world lost a great person that day. I’m sure he’s up there with Poland reminiscing about the good ole days of Poland spinning in circles looking up at the sky in spawn during Gears 1, only to have Grymm slowly walk up behind him and chainsaw him, followed by tons of laughter by all of us.

    We love you, Josh. Rest easy my friend. You’ll be forever missed by your friends and family.

  6. October 9, 2015 1:34 pm

    I truly believe in life after death as the Bible describes. I also hold to a not entirely “traditional” view of what that means. I don’t believe people are either in heaven or hell at this moment. They are resting, and waiting for the resurrection. I also don’t believe that people have to be “born again Christian’s” Before they die in order to “go to heaven”.

    The Bible is much more complex than that, and I could spend hours discussing my study of it.

    The reason I write this is because when we lose someone as great as Josh, I don’t scroll through those “eternity” questions.

    I am dealing with the fact that we lost a good friend. I’ll miss his laughter most of all. Most of our Great times together has been with him smack in the middle of it. Raging or Rolling in Laughter, didn’t matter. We were his family in many ways.

    Speaking of family. The reality is that we spend more time together on a weekly / monthly basis, than we do with our own extended families. It’s been that way for years and years now. We know each others stories, daily struggles, victories.

    I recall that transition to family when in 2009 it hit home for me. Meeting Kenny face to face in L.A., made me realize that this “cyber” friendship is real. There was no awkwardness hanging in person with Kenny. Since that time, many of us have actually met up, hung out. That has been our normal.

    We lost a family member last week.

    The reason is hurts so much, is because the relationships we have, are as surprisingly real as we’ve ever experienced in this life.

    Rest In Peace Giggles. We’ll meet again some bright and glorious day. I know it.


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